Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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