dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
