good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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