dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
