I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
