Will you blow on my dice?
Having a random hookup so left but love u
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
