she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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