He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
