do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
