i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize