There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
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