please come you make the beer taste better
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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