I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
