Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
My cat gives me a boner
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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