We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
