i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
