i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
