I can't breathe out the right side of my face
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
