He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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