I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
