Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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