I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
found the other keg... it's in the tree
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
