Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
