Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
How does one acquire holy water?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
