everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize