I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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