so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
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