i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
