Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I think my moral compass just broke
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