Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
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There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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