I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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