Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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