if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I understand Curling. That high.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work