Texts From Last Night

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  (937): View more from Ohio

  I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different

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  (937): I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different http://tfl.nu/6y7e
  Replies (2) Good night (1628) Bad night (567)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.

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  (845): even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point. http://tfl.nu/9fmk
  Replies (18) Good night (651) Bad night (2578)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.

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  (541): She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it. http://tfl.nu/jrtc
  Replies (12) Good night (526) Bad night (2785)
• Favorite

  (786): View more from Florida

  if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass

  (352): View more from Florida

  godspeed.

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  (786): if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass (352): godspeed. http://tfl.nu/ecel
  Replies (14) Good night (5121) Bad night (613)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life

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  (914): Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life http://tfl.nu/ivqd
  Replies (29) Good night (4804) Bad night (883)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.

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  (954): hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot. http://tfl.nu/3jpd
  Replies (22) Good night (7003) Bad night (1075)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.

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  (631): Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight. http://tfl.nu/prjm
  Replies (5) Good night (2147) Bad night (905)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.

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  (505): Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking. http://tfl.nu/b01w
  Replies (37) Good night (1300) Bad night (5192)
• Favorite

  (361): View more from Texas

  There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.

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  (361): There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work. http://tfl.nu/jgfn
  Replies (8) Good night (1750) Bad night (498)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO

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  (617): A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO http://tfl.nu/0cgy
  Replies (7) Good night (2596) Bad night (542)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.

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  (502): I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm. http://tfl.nu/jrsq
  Replies (5) Good night (1125) Bad night (344)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."

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  (304): It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry." http://tfl.nu/xw8s
  Replies (9) Good night (450) Bad night (908)
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.

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  (224): I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog. http://tfl.nu/7iet
  Replies (0) Good night (632) Bad night (326)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.

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  (205): You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy. http://tfl.nu/nc3s
  Replies (1) Good night (558) Bad night (395)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse

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  (805): my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse http://tfl.nu/zkhh
  Replies (0) Good night (606) Bad night (365)

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