you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
