yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
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I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
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When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila