the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She bit a glass in half.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
