I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
