Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
