I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
