I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
