you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
