oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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