I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
The best revenge is premature balding
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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