need another drink. this is the easiest way
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
