Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
