Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
