I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
