Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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