hotel room ftw
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
