im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Boobs are out for the taking
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
