just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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