Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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