Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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