I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
do nipples grow back?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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