Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
