I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
