i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
