are you still at the devil's house?
Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Everclear isn't food dammit
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
