Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
