FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
If I had your ass I would rule the world
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
