Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Randomize
