Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
