no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
