I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
