If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
