My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
