so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
