apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
