Can i not drive my cunt home
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
