Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
